astonishing, i know

i'm thinking about quitting WoW. Which is odd, because i am so in love with the game that one might even go with the label addicted. However, i am now guildless, have half rate gear because i was never deemed worthy of progression runs or running full clears long enough for me to get the drop off the final boss. i am so tired of being out dpsed by jerks and idiots who happen to have a better gun. If we had the same weapon, i would out dps them, and i often am very close to their level of dps with a far inferior weapon. Then i have to pug to get into dungeons for emblems and end up having to work incredibly hard not to pull agro off the tank. Last time i was in H ToC i kept my jousting javelin equipped for a long time and was still pulling agro. When i put my sword back on my belt i literally had to FD and MD every time the cd was up.

Other reasons: i want to get A's and am taking upper level courses for the rest of my school career, and... i cannot really afford the $15 a month fee. But i don't want to give up on gaming entirely. i miss Diablo II. i could play alone or with my sister (another reason WoW has lost it's charm, i've been utterly abandoned yet again). When playing with others, Diablo's minions get stronger accordingly, but you could totally solo everything (well, Diablo was nearly impossible to defeat as an assassin, but you get the idea). i finally looked up Aion, after purposefully ignoring it because there was no way i could take it up and play WoW, and wouldn't you know, it looks awesome but costs more to buy and still has the $15 a month fee. i've thought about Guild Wars, but when i looked it up online it looks like they want you to pay for additional items, like characters and bank slots (from what i can make out). Similarly, LotRO was horrible when i did the free trial, and i couldn't even try another class without deleting the first.

So i am not really sure what to do. i don't really like feeling like there is always a couple of people in any guild i join that have it out for me. i get overly defensive and emotional. i've been thinking about that a lot the past couple of days and feel that i probably get that from my father, who is very adamant about always being in command and having his wishes followed exactly, yada, yada, yada, as if he has an irrational fear of being disrespected or looked down upon that i have somehow inadvertently inherited. What really disturbs me is that i'm nice, i help people out, and i usually get mistreated. For example, Levi accused me of behaving the way that he allowed Daymann to, and because they know each other in RL, Daymann was often inexplicably rewarded after bad behavior. Trying to find help about what to take up instead of WoW i only stumbled upon people who were addicted to WoW and quit the game and described themselves as being right jerks while playing, on 24/7, and so rich that it was ridiculous (yeah, i'm not really addicted compared to some, though i did play too much in an attempt to curry favor from Levi, and we all know how that turned out). That (rude behavior) is so not who i am. i'm so tired of constantly being let down and being alone. idk, maybe i should just join a knitting circle or something. i really do not know what to do, i'm so tired of feeling so alone. i wish the Doctor would come rescue me... of course, a Mediterranean cruise would seem rather tame after traveling around in the TARDIS for a while.